So hopefully this week I will be getting to begin my natural products. My 9 year old sister in law is going to be helping, along with my 5 year old son.. Should be interesting.
We will be starting with deodorant and multisurface cleaners! SO excited. Our scents so far for the deodorant, for the people who have ordered is peppermint, citrus, and lavender, so let me know what you want I will be sending your packages on the second or last Friday of the month. We will be using different citrus fruit rinds in the cleaner. Orange is the most effective I've found, but most people prefer lemon, we will also be using grapefruit and lime. It will be made with vinegar, but the smell of vinegar dissipates when it dries and then all that is left is the citrus smell :) I will be listing them on my esty soon, so you haven't already ordered I will post a link in the near future so you can check out the prices.
Like I said super excited!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Zadon AKA Little Snuggler
This is not a funny or interesting, this is just me talking.
Zadon is not my most recent loss. But he is the one on my mind right now.
I have been told;
I have also been told that the person is sorry for my loss. While that may seem innocent enough it grates at me. I don't want your pity. I want your support, with any of my miscarriages. I want a shoulder to cry on a friend to lean on, someone to help me celebrate his life, however short. Some one to just give me a hug and tell me they love me. Especially with Zadon, and my loss immediately after Scootchie Butt's birth, when my husband had gone back to war, after seeing his sweet boy birthed and then us conceiving again within a very short amount of time, and all I had was friends. I was lucky enough to have a friend nearby, who loves me like a sister and whom I could trust. Someone who had been there and knew what I needed to hear. Someone who respected my beliefs and traditions and just generally helped me pull myself from the deep rut that losing my Little Snuggler left me in. She was an amazing help and friend for me, as I hope I have been to her. I never felt free with the pregnancy right after Scootchie Butt to tell people. I was afraid people would be angry, think I had cheated, or just have been relieved to hear I had miscarried.
When I was about 7.5 months pregnant with Scootchie Butt (Zadon's sweet twin) I wrote a letter to him that I will share with you.
Zadon is not my most recent loss. But he is the one on my mind right now.
I have been told;
- I have not grieved him properly. Who are you to say how I should grieve? That is intensely personal and is never up for debate or criticism.
- That god knows what he is doing. I don't believe in the Christian Gad, nor that a deity has any interest in my uterus or what happens inside of it, or even that they are so intensely interested in my life that they would take my child from me.
- That it was for the best. My childs death was for the best? Really?
- Twins are hard to handle anyway. Seriously? Do you really think that I care about the extra sleep deprivation when I am mourning my baby?
- That I will understand one day. I don't want to understand, now or any other day, I just want my baby.
I have also been told that the person is sorry for my loss. While that may seem innocent enough it grates at me. I don't want your pity. I want your support, with any of my miscarriages. I want a shoulder to cry on a friend to lean on, someone to help me celebrate his life, however short. Some one to just give me a hug and tell me they love me. Especially with Zadon, and my loss immediately after Scootchie Butt's birth, when my husband had gone back to war, after seeing his sweet boy birthed and then us conceiving again within a very short amount of time, and all I had was friends. I was lucky enough to have a friend nearby, who loves me like a sister and whom I could trust. Someone who had been there and knew what I needed to hear. Someone who respected my beliefs and traditions and just generally helped me pull myself from the deep rut that losing my Little Snuggler left me in. She was an amazing help and friend for me, as I hope I have been to her. I never felt free with the pregnancy right after Scootchie Butt to tell people. I was afraid people would be angry, think I had cheated, or just have been relieved to hear I had miscarried.
When I was about 7.5 months pregnant with Scootchie Butt (Zadon's sweet twin) I wrote a letter to him that I will share with you.
Sweet baby Zadon,
Za, you are in my thoughts tonight so much more than I have allowed you in these past few weeks. I know nothing could have been done to protect you and keep you though I wish I could have. I know you will guide your brother until it is time for you to be reborn. I hope the life you find is one that is full of happiness and joy. My body has taken care of what remains of your earthly vessel, I will have nothing to hold, nothing to kiss, to say goodbye to, and that is hard, but in some ways better. I will also have nothing to bury and leave or cremate and cling to. In some ways Za, I know I am just not meant to be your mommy, that my body wasn't strong enough to hold you along with your brother and while this is simply the way I was built and not my fault, I sometimes feel like a failure. It is hard to celebrate your brother and mourn you. I wish I was strong enough to simply celebrate the brief bit of life I was allowed to experience with you. I felt you move and I saw you grow, and then you were gone and I don't know why, and it's cruel. I'm not quite ready to release you just yet, please baby guide me to the peace I need and watch over your brothers during this time, and when you live again, remember that no matter what you are loved.
Your mommy
There are many things you can say to me, and many things you shouldn't say. The best thing to do is ask about him(all of them really) when I talk about them, DON'T tell me you are sorry(I don't want your pity), tell me you are here for me and then actually be there for me. DON'T go all blank faced and stop talking until I feel I must change the subject. DON'T change the subject. DON'T treat me like an invalid. DON'T compare your miscarriage to mine or say "well at least".. blah blah blah.
Just love me and support me, as you would expect me to do for you.
Za, you are in my thoughts tonight so much more than I have allowed you in these past few weeks. I know nothing could have been done to protect you and keep you though I wish I could have. I know you will guide your brother until it is time for you to be reborn. I hope the life you find is one that is full of happiness and joy. My body has taken care of what remains of your earthly vessel, I will have nothing to hold, nothing to kiss, to say goodbye to, and that is hard, but in some ways better. I will also have nothing to bury and leave or cremate and cling to. In some ways Za, I know I am just not meant to be your mommy, that my body wasn't strong enough to hold you along with your brother and while this is simply the way I was built and not my fault, I sometimes feel like a failure. It is hard to celebrate your brother and mourn you. I wish I was strong enough to simply celebrate the brief bit of life I was allowed to experience with you. I felt you move and I saw you grow, and then you were gone and I don't know why, and it's cruel. I'm not quite ready to release you just yet, please baby guide me to the peace I need and watch over your brothers during this time, and when you live again, remember that no matter what you are loved.
Your mommy
There are many things you can say to me, and many things you shouldn't say. The best thing to do is ask about him(all of them really) when I talk about them, DON'T tell me you are sorry(I don't want your pity), tell me you are here for me and then actually be there for me. DON'T go all blank faced and stop talking until I feel I must change the subject. DON'T change the subject. DON'T treat me like an invalid. DON'T compare your miscarriage to mine or say "well at least".. blah blah blah.
Just love me and support me, as you would expect me to do for you.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Ride or Wipeout
My marriage... how do I begin to explain it... Maturing? We are learning to work with one another rather than against each other. Loving someone with everything you are is hard. It takes a toll on your heart and mind, especially when that relationship is in a hard time. When the people in it are changing or have gone through such drastic things.
I am a sexual abuse survivor. My husband is a soldier. We both have a bit of PTSD that manifests in insomnia, short tempers, memory loss, and nightmares. Try as we might we sometimes become combatants within our marriage, fighting against ourselves and not reaching out for help. Often times, at the same time, pushing the other away while trying to deal with the things we have lived through. It's a normal reaction, neither of us can fully relate or understand what the other has gone through or is now experiencing. But it's not beneficial, it strains at the other, we begin to feel not needed and then completely unwanted by the other. It's nerve wracking to think that your partner not only doesn't need you, they don't WANT you. We don't chose our words carefully and say angry things. We raise our voices and often become near violent, sometimes our walls suffer a fist (or cell phone) throw. And we feel that it isn't working.
I tell you this not to put my personal life on blast, but to let you know. You are NOT alone. Your marriage CAN survive. There IS light after the storm. Happiness and peacefulness CAN be attained. Perhaps through your religion or spirituality, or perhaps through mediation with a couples therapist. The main keys are trust and gentle conversation.
We have sought help and it got us no where but more arguments and angry words spoken and regretted. We finally realized that if we were going to make this work we both had to want to work as hard as we could for one another. To become partners instead of spouses. To us the distinction is that a spouse is reliant on the other for an identity. (Mrs. Babb and such) But a partner is equal. That's how we feel about it anyway. I realized I have to do something other than raise our children, not just for him, but for myself. And he realized that if he treated me like one of his children I would become one of his children in his mind, and he would begin to attempt to parent me. Ask my mother how well that went when I was only an impressionable child. Not well. For either of them.
So I've began the process of becoming a doula and a CCST (certified car seat tech). I am also beginning college in the fall. He has chose to remember that I am an adult with my own thoughts and my own agenda and he can either support me or get out of my way. (His words) That I no longer need a parent and holding my hand through everything only handicaps me. While he must be there for me when I ask, he doesn't have to do things for me. I like instruction, but that doesn't mean I need to be SHOWN how to do things every time. Be clear, be decisive, and let me do it.
Moral of the story. Marriage is supposed to change when the people in it do. It's not a rock, it is the waves. You can either ride it and come out shining or you can completely wipe out. And it's your choice.
I am a sexual abuse survivor. My husband is a soldier. We both have a bit of PTSD that manifests in insomnia, short tempers, memory loss, and nightmares. Try as we might we sometimes become combatants within our marriage, fighting against ourselves and not reaching out for help. Often times, at the same time, pushing the other away while trying to deal with the things we have lived through. It's a normal reaction, neither of us can fully relate or understand what the other has gone through or is now experiencing. But it's not beneficial, it strains at the other, we begin to feel not needed and then completely unwanted by the other. It's nerve wracking to think that your partner not only doesn't need you, they don't WANT you. We don't chose our words carefully and say angry things. We raise our voices and often become near violent, sometimes our walls suffer a fist (or cell phone) throw. And we feel that it isn't working.
I tell you this not to put my personal life on blast, but to let you know. You are NOT alone. Your marriage CAN survive. There IS light after the storm. Happiness and peacefulness CAN be attained. Perhaps through your religion or spirituality, or perhaps through mediation with a couples therapist. The main keys are trust and gentle conversation.
We have sought help and it got us no where but more arguments and angry words spoken and regretted. We finally realized that if we were going to make this work we both had to want to work as hard as we could for one another. To become partners instead of spouses. To us the distinction is that a spouse is reliant on the other for an identity. (Mrs. Babb and such) But a partner is equal. That's how we feel about it anyway. I realized I have to do something other than raise our children, not just for him, but for myself. And he realized that if he treated me like one of his children I would become one of his children in his mind, and he would begin to attempt to parent me. Ask my mother how well that went when I was only an impressionable child. Not well. For either of them.
So I've began the process of becoming a doula and a CCST (certified car seat tech). I am also beginning college in the fall. He has chose to remember that I am an adult with my own thoughts and my own agenda and he can either support me or get out of my way. (His words) That I no longer need a parent and holding my hand through everything only handicaps me. While he must be there for me when I ask, he doesn't have to do things for me. I like instruction, but that doesn't mean I need to be SHOWN how to do things every time. Be clear, be decisive, and let me do it.
Moral of the story. Marriage is supposed to change when the people in it do. It's not a rock, it is the waves. You can either ride it and come out shining or you can completely wipe out. And it's your choice.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
What Are Those?
So, for today.. a funny Adventure in Mommyland.
The other day my husbands cousin graduated from high school! (Congrats Abby!) I went to the party and took all three kiddos. I knew there would be drinking and wanted a DD to be on site, though I didn't end up having to take anyone anywhere. To start off with, YES I took my children around people who were and would be drinking. I was completely sober and I trust myself to watch not only my children but everyone elses for one night while their parent's are having a good time.
Now Anthony's Aunt is one of those for whom pregnancy and nursing did some not so wonderful things for her breasts :/ in her case it took them away.. pretty much completely. So she wears bra inserts when she is not working (she is a plumber) for events. Well she wore them for the graduation and had them out on the table O.o when we arrived.
My son, 3 year old Monkey Man, walked by and doubled back.
MM: What are those?
AJ: Them are my boobs.
MM: *Confused face* Why are they on the table?
Everyone laughed, the kid was more confused, but laughing with them.
I found it greatly amusing and it brought me back to when my 10 month old now five year old yanked his great aunts shirt forward stared down it, then at her face, down her shirt, at her face. Over and over, clearly wondering why she didn't have breasts.
Later I talked with Monkey Man about how some women don't have breasts and what some do to either get them or make it look like they do. He asked lots of questions and walking away from the conversation I still felt greatly amused. Sometimes you just can't shelter your children. And honestly, there really is no reason to. My child knows what women's breasts are for, in a very naturalistic way. (Feeding babies and attracting a mate) He's three, not stupid. He asks questions and I answer. Period.
The other day my husbands cousin graduated from high school! (Congrats Abby!) I went to the party and took all three kiddos. I knew there would be drinking and wanted a DD to be on site, though I didn't end up having to take anyone anywhere. To start off with, YES I took my children around people who were and would be drinking. I was completely sober and I trust myself to watch not only my children but everyone elses for one night while their parent's are having a good time.
Now Anthony's Aunt is one of those for whom pregnancy and nursing did some not so wonderful things for her breasts :/ in her case it took them away.. pretty much completely. So she wears bra inserts when she is not working (she is a plumber) for events. Well she wore them for the graduation and had them out on the table O.o when we arrived.
My son, 3 year old Monkey Man, walked by and doubled back.
MM: What are those?
AJ: Them are my boobs.
MM: *Confused face* Why are they on the table?
Everyone laughed, the kid was more confused, but laughing with them.
I found it greatly amusing and it brought me back to when my 10 month old now five year old yanked his great aunts shirt forward stared down it, then at her face, down her shirt, at her face. Over and over, clearly wondering why she didn't have breasts.
Later I talked with Monkey Man about how some women don't have breasts and what some do to either get them or make it look like they do. He asked lots of questions and walking away from the conversation I still felt greatly amused. Sometimes you just can't shelter your children. And honestly, there really is no reason to. My child knows what women's breasts are for, in a very naturalistic way. (Feeding babies and attracting a mate) He's three, not stupid. He asks questions and I answer. Period.
My Apologies and New Hopes
I have to apologize to those who follow my blogs. I have recently moved as briefly mentioned here, and have been without a functioning computer for about two weeks, and then I went through a loss. I'm here now and, though I may seem a bit distant, I am ready to blog my little heart out! :)
To further explain, my wonderful husband, myself and our three children have been transitioning from life as a military family, to life as a civilian family again. It has been difficult and the decision and move have been quite hard on all of us. We moved from an Army post to in with his father and step mother, along with their four children in another state. With four adults and 7 children ranging in age from 7 months to 11 years old, it has been a bit chaotic and cramped. We are waiting for our house to be free from it's previous owners. It is still occupied at this time, but we hope to be moved in by the 15th of June.
I do not wish at this time to explain my most recent loss except to say that those who know are those who are closest to me. While I have not told everyone yet, it's not because I don't love you or am not close to you, it is simply an intensely personal thing.
Now for the new hopes. We are beginning to feel the effects of no longer being a military family. We no longer eat as healthy living with others who chose to eat a lot of processed foods and what I consider to be junk. While I love this family, it is a strain on our bodies to eat this way. SO, hoping to go back to natural very soon.
On top of switching back to natural foods we are also beginning to consider making, using, and selling natural cleaning and health products. I already use mama cloth and cloth diapers and try to use natural cleaning products before resorting to scrubbing bubbles and bleach. Our list hopefully will soon include; body soap and shampoo/conditioner for men, women, and babies/children, deodorant, baby power, bottom balm for both mama and baby, first aid burn balm, general first aid supplies (perhaps kits), cloth diapers, and mama cloth.
I am super excited about this and the prospect of making a small profit off of my natural abilities of sewing and cooking. We plan to start off slow and take lots of advise. This will hopefully one day result in a boutique of my own, where I can charge bare minimum for my products while still making a small profit! For now I am in the research and development phase of beginning a business. This should be wonderful for our family and will become easier for me to do since two of our children will be starting school in the fall.
So, for anyone who will be interested, let me know what you would like in such products. How can I best serve the natural products community? Let me know :)
And yes, Shittles, I will be willing to ship to you.
To further explain, my wonderful husband, myself and our three children have been transitioning from life as a military family, to life as a civilian family again. It has been difficult and the decision and move have been quite hard on all of us. We moved from an Army post to in with his father and step mother, along with their four children in another state. With four adults and 7 children ranging in age from 7 months to 11 years old, it has been a bit chaotic and cramped. We are waiting for our house to be free from it's previous owners. It is still occupied at this time, but we hope to be moved in by the 15th of June.
I do not wish at this time to explain my most recent loss except to say that those who know are those who are closest to me. While I have not told everyone yet, it's not because I don't love you or am not close to you, it is simply an intensely personal thing.
Now for the new hopes. We are beginning to feel the effects of no longer being a military family. We no longer eat as healthy living with others who chose to eat a lot of processed foods and what I consider to be junk. While I love this family, it is a strain on our bodies to eat this way. SO, hoping to go back to natural very soon.
On top of switching back to natural foods we are also beginning to consider making, using, and selling natural cleaning and health products. I already use mama cloth and cloth diapers and try to use natural cleaning products before resorting to scrubbing bubbles and bleach. Our list hopefully will soon include; body soap and shampoo/conditioner for men, women, and babies/children, deodorant, baby power, bottom balm for both mama and baby, first aid burn balm, general first aid supplies (perhaps kits), cloth diapers, and mama cloth.
I am super excited about this and the prospect of making a small profit off of my natural abilities of sewing and cooking. We plan to start off slow and take lots of advise. This will hopefully one day result in a boutique of my own, where I can charge bare minimum for my products while still making a small profit! For now I am in the research and development phase of beginning a business. This should be wonderful for our family and will become easier for me to do since two of our children will be starting school in the fall.
So, for anyone who will be interested, let me know what you would like in such products. How can I best serve the natural products community? Let me know :)
And yes, Shittles, I will be willing to ship to you.
Friday, May 11, 2012
The Blame Game
When I got pregnant at 16, a lot of my family blamed themselves.
My mother blamed herself because she had been a teen parent. My sister blamed herself because she hadn't got rid of her maternity clothes ( O.o wut?). My dad blamed himself because he clearly had not scared Anthony enough. Even one of my cousins blamed herself because she had been a teen parent and she had sort of sheltered me from it. You know who I blamed? No one. There was no blame to place in my mind.
Yes some would say I should blame my now spouse and myself, but for what? We were blessed with an amazing gift. We had attempted to prevent a pregnancy but had been unsuccessful, which we knew full well was a possibility. When we began our relationship we had a talk and we both knew that while we fully intended to use birth control and condoms(and we did) that pregnancy was always an option and that I would not abort. We began dating in November of 2005 and in March of 2006 our oldest son was conceived. A rather short amount of time, yes I know.
We never expected anyone to raise our child or support us, though I am glad for those who did help out. We were frightened yes, frightened of not being good enough, of not being able to provide enough, of doing something wrong, of screwing up our children in ways worse than our parents screwed us up. But then we realized, we all screw up our children in one way or another, get over it. Mom.. Dad.. You screwed me up. But thank you for the most part, because if you hadn't I wouldn't be me. The goal is to do as little damage as possible and accept that we all make mistakes, we all learn and grow as our children learn and grow.
Anyway, back to the blame. It hurt. A lot. Everyone was crying and angry, demanding to know if we intended to marry, or telling us we weren't allowed to get married. People who I grew up respecting were looking down their noses like I was something to be fear, because pregnancy is catching(Another post I promise). One, ONE, person told me congratulations when I broke the news to them. ONE. It broke my heart that anyone could see my baby as anything other than something to celebrate. I had a woman I didn't even know, an old old friend of our lovely neighbor tell me that my pregnancy(and therefore my baby) was not something I should be proud of. I was never proud to be a pregnant teen, I simply was a pregnant teen. My mother quickly took this crotchety old lady down a level by saying, "But you were married and pregnant at 17, you just told us that, and at least my daughter didn't kill her child." Now, while I, and my mother as well, am pro-choice this woman was a VERY big christian and is shone through that she realized what she was saying is in direct conflict with what she proclaimed to believe.
From day one I was very much about not asking for help, because if I had been an adult I could not have ran to my mothers room and asked her to hold the baby. I breastfed, my husband(then boyfriend) worked his ass off to support us. We moved out and we grew up. Just because I became pregnant as a teenager did not mean people had the right to call names and point fingers, but people sincerely believed they did.
So if you ever learn that your teenaged little sister, or daughter, or granddaughter, or niece, or cousin, or whatever, is pregnant don't treat them awfully, don't place blame, just love them because during those early months, all you want is someone to tell you congrats and bake you some cookies, feel the baby kick and help you treat your heartburn, someone to pat your back when you cry for no reason and bring you water after you have vomited for the 8th time that morning. Most of the time the father is not there, you need to be the person of support. Because everyone should have one.
My mother blamed herself because she had been a teen parent. My sister blamed herself because she hadn't got rid of her maternity clothes ( O.o wut?). My dad blamed himself because he clearly had not scared Anthony enough. Even one of my cousins blamed herself because she had been a teen parent and she had sort of sheltered me from it. You know who I blamed? No one. There was no blame to place in my mind.
Yes some would say I should blame my now spouse and myself, but for what? We were blessed with an amazing gift. We had attempted to prevent a pregnancy but had been unsuccessful, which we knew full well was a possibility. When we began our relationship we had a talk and we both knew that while we fully intended to use birth control and condoms(and we did) that pregnancy was always an option and that I would not abort. We began dating in November of 2005 and in March of 2006 our oldest son was conceived. A rather short amount of time, yes I know.
We never expected anyone to raise our child or support us, though I am glad for those who did help out. We were frightened yes, frightened of not being good enough, of not being able to provide enough, of doing something wrong, of screwing up our children in ways worse than our parents screwed us up. But then we realized, we all screw up our children in one way or another, get over it. Mom.. Dad.. You screwed me up. But thank you for the most part, because if you hadn't I wouldn't be me. The goal is to do as little damage as possible and accept that we all make mistakes, we all learn and grow as our children learn and grow.
Anyway, back to the blame. It hurt. A lot. Everyone was crying and angry, demanding to know if we intended to marry, or telling us we weren't allowed to get married. People who I grew up respecting were looking down their noses like I was something to be fear, because pregnancy is catching(Another post I promise). One, ONE, person told me congratulations when I broke the news to them. ONE. It broke my heart that anyone could see my baby as anything other than something to celebrate. I had a woman I didn't even know, an old old friend of our lovely neighbor tell me that my pregnancy(and therefore my baby) was not something I should be proud of. I was never proud to be a pregnant teen, I simply was a pregnant teen. My mother quickly took this crotchety old lady down a level by saying, "But you were married and pregnant at 17, you just told us that, and at least my daughter didn't kill her child." Now, while I, and my mother as well, am pro-choice this woman was a VERY big christian and is shone through that she realized what she was saying is in direct conflict with what she proclaimed to believe.
From day one I was very much about not asking for help, because if I had been an adult I could not have ran to my mothers room and asked her to hold the baby. I breastfed, my husband(then boyfriend) worked his ass off to support us. We moved out and we grew up. Just because I became pregnant as a teenager did not mean people had the right to call names and point fingers, but people sincerely believed they did.
So if you ever learn that your teenaged little sister, or daughter, or granddaughter, or niece, or cousin, or whatever, is pregnant don't treat them awfully, don't place blame, just love them because during those early months, all you want is someone to tell you congrats and bake you some cookies, feel the baby kick and help you treat your heartburn, someone to pat your back when you cry for no reason and bring you water after you have vomited for the 8th time that morning. Most of the time the father is not there, you need to be the person of support. Because everyone should have one.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Being unprepared gives me hives
Today we are packing our house up on the military post we have lived at and/or been a part of for the past three years. My husband has decided to end his time in the service and not re-up. I support him. BUT, well lets just say things could have been planned better and done before hand.
We are currently packing our ENTIRE house.We waited far too long and that is mostly my fault. We have to clear tomorrow. I'm am so mad at us. At him for just generally being unhelpful and at myself for not taking the initiative. I HATE packing. Hate it.. kill-it-with-fire kind of hate. I'm also angry because, despite hating where we are moving to I have agreed it is what is best. Until now, now, where we are looking at leaving this weekend(after living in a motel for two days) to put our belongings in storage and me and our three young children live with some of his relatives, for at least a week while he comes back to finish clearing for terminal leave. O.o
That's right, we still don't have a house to move into. So, I am going to move into a house where people smoke inside with our three children (all under the age of six), no. I don't think so. We are adults are we not? I hate this. I feel so unprepared because, well duh, we are.
On top of that, we went to get the moving truck, had to drive an hour and a half away to get one that MIGHT be big enough, and I drove our mini van back, he drove the U-haul.. he still isn't back.
I'm starting to itch...
Here's the moral... when you move, be prepared, or your slightly OCD spouse is probably going to flip out on you.
UPDATE: I feel really bad about this, but hubby broke down. What's worse.. I saw him on the side of the rode, or, rather, I saw a U-HAUL truck on the side of the rode, and I drove right on by. O.o So they towed the truck back and dropped him off at home but we have NO TRUCK to put our belongings in and won't until tomorrow afternoon probably.. which is a problem.. seeing as our clearing inspection is tomorrow at 0900 and we aren't pack and can't pack until we have that truck.. So.. yeah.
New moral. Always charge your cell phone and don't oversleep when your spouse needs you. My bad. -.-
We are currently packing our ENTIRE house.We waited far too long and that is mostly my fault. We have to clear tomorrow. I'm am so mad at us. At him for just generally being unhelpful and at myself for not taking the initiative. I HATE packing. Hate it.. kill-it-with-fire kind of hate. I'm also angry because, despite hating where we are moving to I have agreed it is what is best. Until now, now, where we are looking at leaving this weekend(after living in a motel for two days) to put our belongings in storage and me and our three young children live with some of his relatives, for at least a week while he comes back to finish clearing for terminal leave. O.o
That's right, we still don't have a house to move into. So, I am going to move into a house where people smoke inside with our three children (all under the age of six), no. I don't think so. We are adults are we not? I hate this. I feel so unprepared because, well duh, we are.
On top of that, we went to get the moving truck, had to drive an hour and a half away to get one that MIGHT be big enough, and I drove our mini van back, he drove the U-haul.. he still isn't back.
I'm starting to itch...
Here's the moral... when you move, be prepared, or your slightly OCD spouse is probably going to flip out on you.
UPDATE: I feel really bad about this, but hubby broke down. What's worse.. I saw him on the side of the rode, or, rather, I saw a U-HAUL truck on the side of the rode, and I drove right on by. O.o So they towed the truck back and dropped him off at home but we have NO TRUCK to put our belongings in and won't until tomorrow afternoon probably.. which is a problem.. seeing as our clearing inspection is tomorrow at 0900 and we aren't pack and can't pack until we have that truck.. So.. yeah.
New moral. Always charge your cell phone and don't oversleep when your spouse needs you. My bad. -.-
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Are you laughing.. are you crying.. what's going on here
So my almost 7 month old, Scootchie Butt, is in that stage that involves the beginnings of temper tantrums. He hit it quite a bit earlier than my older two did, I was rather surprised. Along with the story I am about to tell you, he will lay on his pallet on the floor with his legs sticking straight out, not touching the floor, arms either straight out from the shoulders or straight by his sides fist clenched and scream. Not a come-comfort-me scream but a if-I-could-walk-you-would-feel-my-wrath kind of scream. When picked up his is rigid. At first I was terrified, some thing is wrong with my baby, I was considering taking him to the hospital, I was certain he was in pain. But my husband calmed me and we distracted the baby with a toy. Soon I began to that anytime he was denied something he wanted or something he found on the ground he would roll on to his back and do this. This has been the last three days. He will also swing one arm up and down repetitively smacking whatever he is on top of, be it me, his daddy or the floor. I find this amusing. It's like a kitten hissing at a lion.
It began last week when I was changing his diaper. As I go to roll the prefold around his chubby little thighs he plants both feet on the mat and throws his hips into the air, screeching what sounded like "DIE". (I can only assume he was speaking to the evil contraption that is the cloth diaper which I forcibly make him wear all the time. You know, just so I don't have to clean feces and urine off of every surface in my house.) I press down lightly on his tummy and he settles, I begin the process again. Line up the prefold just right, adjust his legs, roll the diaper, and.. nope, "DIE!!". And again. Sigh, hand him a toy ball, try again. Finally I get the diaper rolled and folded up between his legs I am folding down the top and, crap.. feet planted, hips in the air. Grrr.. At this point my long hair is falling in my eyes, I am attempting, without much success, to
blow it away from my face, he is reveling in the thrill of his little
victory, and the diaper is still not on his little bottom. I am frustrated and though I love him and my cloth diapers I am remembering how easy disposables were on squirmy babies, and then.. I laugh. I laugh because he not only is asserting his independence but he is happy about it, this is good. This is something to be encouraged. At the sound of my laugh he looks at me with those big blue eyes and smiles so big that my heart just melts. He settles down and the diaper goes on with no issue. Happy ending. Smiles all around : )
But, it's not always a happy ending, sometimes it is down right frustrating for both of us. Sometimes my sweet little man is sitting in my lap or being walked around the house and I honestly don't know why he is crying. Then there are the times when he is playing while crying, and the times where I am certain he is just crying to cry. There are times when I am ready to throw in the towel and do a little screaming and crying myself. And there are times when I look at him and ask.. "Are you laughing.. are you crying.. what's going on here". I am constantly meeting his needs, or at least trying to. But lets face it.. babies are from another planet.. and they speak a different language, and sometimes they are not impressed with our feeble attempts to understand, quite frankly, sometimes.. they are down right amused.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Lets not forward face our babies.
So right now I feel like ranting a bit.
I'm passionate. Insanely so. About things that make most people make the WTF? face. you know.. O.o
Like rear facing. It is really beyond me how people can deny that it is actually safer when done properly. I recently meet a wonderful woman we got along great she was very sweet and kinda crunchy like myself. But as she was loading up her children in the car to leave the park I noticed her put her 4 month old forward facing. She has three kids and a very small car (No I don't know the make or model, be happy I know my own) but still. her 4 month old was certainly not at the 20lb mark which is what is legal to forward face in most states including the one we live in, and certainly not at the recommended 2yo and 40lbs. I was mortified and asked why she was forward facing him. She actually said "Oh it's just easier on my back, he has been forward facing since birth."
Since birth. Birth. BIRTH. What hospital would allow a child to leave facing forward? When I had my first two children my nurse came down and made sure the correct type of car seat was used and that bubs were placed in there right(we used convertible from day one in our main vehicles) and with the third a nurse ensured that the baby was in a seat that was appropriate for his age and the straps were tight and sent us on our way. Furthermore, what person in their right mind would forward face a newborn? I realize in some situations there is a need to forward face though personally I don't agree with most of the reasons people have gave. But from birth? That is seriously unsafe and scary. This woman is super lucky that she has never been in a car accident or for that matter pulled over.
I was in shock. So much so that I stood there dumbly until she left, after saying good bye and getting no response from me. I honestly couldn't really move. I am not one to hold my tongue, I say what is on my mind with no fear of upsetting others for the most part. But I was just so horrified by the thought of what could happen to her precious little man that I couldn't talk. As she drove off I shook my head and held my 6 month old a little closer.
From my experience, people like that are not easily swayed. Not by facts or opinions or anything that makes sense. What normally does it is tragedy. It's unfortunate. As far as the small car argument goes I rear faced three across in a Pontiac Grand Prix, yeah there wasn't a lot of room, but it was what was best for our kids. I will do what makes them safer even if it makes me uncomfortable.
I guess the point of this is learn your laws at the very least. Then try to keep your kids as safe as possible for as long as possible.
~Brianne
I'm passionate. Insanely so. About things that make most people make the WTF? face. you know.. O.o
Like rear facing. It is really beyond me how people can deny that it is actually safer when done properly. I recently meet a wonderful woman we got along great she was very sweet and kinda crunchy like myself. But as she was loading up her children in the car to leave the park I noticed her put her 4 month old forward facing. She has three kids and a very small car (No I don't know the make or model, be happy I know my own) but still. her 4 month old was certainly not at the 20lb mark which is what is legal to forward face in most states including the one we live in, and certainly not at the recommended 2yo and 40lbs. I was mortified and asked why she was forward facing him. She actually said "Oh it's just easier on my back, he has been forward facing since birth."
Since birth. Birth. BIRTH. What hospital would allow a child to leave facing forward? When I had my first two children my nurse came down and made sure the correct type of car seat was used and that bubs were placed in there right(we used convertible from day one in our main vehicles) and with the third a nurse ensured that the baby was in a seat that was appropriate for his age and the straps were tight and sent us on our way. Furthermore, what person in their right mind would forward face a newborn? I realize in some situations there is a need to forward face though personally I don't agree with most of the reasons people have gave. But from birth? That is seriously unsafe and scary. This woman is super lucky that she has never been in a car accident or for that matter pulled over.
I was in shock. So much so that I stood there dumbly until she left, after saying good bye and getting no response from me. I honestly couldn't really move. I am not one to hold my tongue, I say what is on my mind with no fear of upsetting others for the most part. But I was just so horrified by the thought of what could happen to her precious little man that I couldn't talk. As she drove off I shook my head and held my 6 month old a little closer.
From my experience, people like that are not easily swayed. Not by facts or opinions or anything that makes sense. What normally does it is tragedy. It's unfortunate. As far as the small car argument goes I rear faced three across in a Pontiac Grand Prix, yeah there wasn't a lot of room, but it was what was best for our kids. I will do what makes them safer even if it makes me uncomfortable.
I guess the point of this is learn your laws at the very least. Then try to keep your kids as safe as possible for as long as possible.
~Brianne
Hello!
This is my first blog, and I know there are some out there who don't actually know me that may read this, so I will start off a little back ground.
I have three living children and they are quite an adventure, but I don't have my hands full, I have a full heart. I'm 23 years old and I get a LOT of comments about how young I look and often snide comments about having children. I was a teen mother. I had my oldest living child at 17. Being a parent at such a young age has made me realize the important things aren't going out and partying every weekend or going to prom(which I missed), but spending time with those little people who make my life not only interesting but amazing.
I have three living children and they are quite an adventure, but I don't have my hands full, I have a full heart. I'm 23 years old and I get a LOT of comments about how young I look and often snide comments about having children. I was a teen mother. I had my oldest living child at 17. Being a parent at such a young age has made me realize the important things aren't going out and partying every weekend or going to prom(which I missed), but spending time with those little people who make my life not only interesting but amazing.
For the purposes of this blog I will be calling my children by nicknames to protect them. My oldest (5) will be Robot Boy, middle (3) will be Monkey Man, and youngest (6months) will be Scootchie Butt.
I'm one of those mothers a lot of other moms talk about behind their back. Non vaxxing, 'extreme' rear facing(my five year old still happily rear faces), cloth diapering, bed sharing, anti RIC(though I did have my older two circed but that is another post), I make my own baby food, I spend less time than I probably should cleaning and more time cuddling, I swear(often), I raise my voice and then feel guilty, I can't seem to stick to a schedule, I have the occasional alcoholic beverage, I let my children wean themselves from the breast. I'm obsessively protective and my children are rarely out of my line of sight, much less my hearing. My older two boys have speech impediments, and are rough and tumble constantly coming up with a new bruise or scrap for me to kiss.
And, quite frankly.. I gave up caring what others thought years ago. I love my life, most of the time, and I always love my children. I may bitch and moan occasionally but at the end of the day I tuck them in with a kiss and read them a story then lay down with my baby and nurse him to sleep.
I hope you enjoy the blog. I intend on putting out a post once a week. lets see if I can.
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